Quotes
HEALTH
Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust.
Don Herold
Everyone goes into an aeroplane or a hospital wondering if they’ll ever get out of either alive.
Richard Gordon
There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.
Graham Chapman
Quit worrying about your health. It’ll go away.
Robert Orben
Health is what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
Phyllis Diller
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. W. Brown
Running through the park I had a bad asthmatic attack - three asthmatics jumped me. It was my own fault - I should have heard them hiding.
Emo Philips
I was a caesarean birth but you can’t really tell, except that every time I leave the house I go out by the window.
Steven Wright.
There are more men than women in mental hospitals which just goes to show who’s driving who crazy.
Peter Veale
Sociology is the study of people who do not need to be studied by people who do.
E. S. Turner
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
Samuel Goldwyn
After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, “Maybe life isn’t for everyone.”
Larry Brown
Roses are red, violets are blue
I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.
Frank Crow
Just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.
Patrick Murray
A psychiatrist is a man who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks you for nothing.
Sam Bardell
A psychiatrist is a man who goes to a strip-show to watch the audience.
Mervyn Stockwood
Are you all right? You should have two of everything down the sides and one of everything down the middle.
Ken Dodd
MUSIC
Classical music is the kind you keep thinking will turn into a tune.
Kin Hubbard
A highbrow is anyone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger.
Jack Perlis
Bagpipes are the missing link between music and noise.
E.K. Kruger
I’ve often yearned to inhabit an alternate universe where classic rock is part of the school curriculum, and participation in a reality TV show is a capital offence.
Peter Makowski
Most rock journalism is people who cannot write, interviewing people who cannot talk for people who cannot read.
Frank Zappa
BELIEFS
When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said ‘Let us pray’. We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
Desmond Tutu
At the end of the world your Christian neighbour will steal your last meal.
Anonymous
Soon I will have to appear before God.
Mao Tse-Tung
Hearing nuns’ confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Fulton J. Sheen
A dead atheist is someone who’s all dressed up with nowhere to go.
James Duffecy
Atheists assert that there is no God. How can they be sure?
Richard Wurmbrand
The trouble with most of us is that we have been inoculated with small does of Christianity in childhood which keeps us from catching the real thing.
Bob Phillips
The impossibility of conceiving that this grand and wondrous universe with our conscious selves arose through chance, seems to me the chief argument for the existence of God.
Charles Darwin
Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.
Aldous Huxley
introduction | YOUTH and AGe | FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, SEX and MARRIAGE| GENERAL